Hope and Rest

I have just finished reading the third book of the riveting Mark of the Lion Series by Francine Rivers. For the past three weeks those books have sucked me in to the fictional lives of unshakeable Christians in the early church living in Rome, Ephesus, and Germania. Each day I have found myself yearning for a few hours, or even precious minutes to feel the pages of these moving stories envelope me, holding me captive from my surroundings and yet helping me escape from the stress and business of my everyday life.

In these telltale sagas, I followed the lives of simple Christians, witnessing the power of Christ in gladiator arenas, in Germanian tribes, and through slavery. I saw the power of prayer unfold, and watched as people's lives got flipped upside down by the mysteries of Jesus. In these stories I felt Christ's presence all around. I experienced little fear, and was constantly astonished at what Christ could do. Though these are only fictional accounts that a brilliant author wrote, I know similar things have happened in the early church. I had unshakeable faith when reading these stories, and each day and night I itched to read more. They made me feel safe, because in the end, I knew God's will would prevail.

But the last pages of the series have been read, and now instead of hungering for the next adventure to begin, I feel bereft, wondering, "what now"? I've read these accounts of witnesses for Christ. I read how they endured some of the daily troubles I still endure today- impatience, fear, anxiety... the list can go on. And even though I applauded those characters to do what was right and to push those troubling thoughts from their minds, I find myself struggling in my own life with them. I know what the "what now" is. I know what God is asking of me- to follow Christ's example, just as the character in the books did. When they faced trials of many kinds, they found hope in the Lord. They loved and forgave their enemies. They prayed unceasingly. And I know this is what Christ asks of me. To find hope in him. "Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken." Psalms 62:5-6 When life gets hard, and doubts and fears arise, that is when it is most important to find hope in God.

In Matthew 11:28-30, Christ said, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light." The only way I can find rest for my soul and peace for my mind is through Christ.

Forgive.

In a distant land far, far away ,
a maiden sat and gazed
O’er the crystal Agean sea
with blue waters appraised.

And on the rock she did reside
were written these sincere words
“all men who hate shall not forget
their sins for they are cursed.”

A sailor who sailed these waters oft
Who wrote this parable
Had made it through a dreadful storm
None since were comparable

His life had flashed before his eyes
His enemies- they did laugh
He decided then he must forgive
Before God invoked His wrath

And forgive he did, For his life was spared
And he sailed to his home land
He forgave the hated, loved his enemies
No longer did he shift in sand.

Can You Use Even Me?

The other day Michael was playing So Great A Salvation by the O.C. Supertones on his guitar. I've heard this song dozens of times before, but never really sat down and listened to the lyrics. However, while michael was singing, I took time to sit and just listen, and found that the lyrics really apply to my life and my current situation (minus the "ask God for a wife" part....) What I mean by my current situation is that I feel really inadequate for the job God has asked me to do, which is to serve him by being a nurse. I've never had the best grades, had the most motivation, or had the best critical thinking skills, but for some reason God still chose me for this job. Why does He think I can do it? I still have absolutely no idea. Don't get me wrong, I've wanted to be a nurse for a long time, and still want to be one, but I'm not the brightest student, and you pretty much have to be smart and have sharp critical thinking skills to be nurse. I mean, you're dealing with people's lives. I've often questioned if this is really what God wants me to do, considering my IQ, but He's made it clear various ways that this is my calling. And it truly is by His power alone that I made it this far. It seems like along the way, there have been plenty of dead ends and road blocks where I would think that I misunderstood that God wanted me to do this. But then those road blocks would be knocked down opening the opportunity once again for me to do as God has asked. Basically, this song has helped me to look back and reflect on all God has done to help me get this far. I still question why He would choose me, or if I could do the job adequately, but it's not really my place to question God's judgement. It's my place to do what He asks, and if He thinks I can do the job, then I'll try my best!


So Great A SalvationBy the O.C. Supertones
Woke up this morning
And I just had to thank God for my life
Just read through James' book
Start to pray and ask God for a wife
It's a time of devotion
As I sit and speak to my God unseen
Why should he listen? Well I love him and he's in love with me

But, Why me God? Why should you choose me?
On your team God, can you use even me?

I think a few years back
On a road that headed to nowhere
Now that you found me
I can see that you were always there
So great a salvation
But to you my Jesus what am I worth?
It's quiet times like this
I feel I get a glimpse of heaven right here on earth

But, Why me God? why should you choose me?
On your team God, can you use even me?

Oh, hold me in your arms of love
Sometimes I swear I feel your heartbeat
I could never ever thank you enough
But here's my life for whatever it's worth

Hopes for this year...

My reason for starting up this new blog is to put in writing my spiritual journey this year. To reflect each day/week/month on my steps of getting from point A to point B in my walk with God. Just as I had already stated in my previous blog, my new year's resolution is to be more Christian (more like Christ), by the end of the year than I am now. To become an imitation of Christ. When I look back on the past three years, I don't see any point where I had grown at all in my spiritual walk. I am at the same "level" now, if not at a lower "level", than I was when I packed up to go to China 3 1/2 years ago. I guess what I'm hoping for with this blog is to write what mistakes I've made and how I can fix them, what steps I need to take to become more like Christ, what areas I need to work on to become more selfless, and to learn how to love people unconditionally. I truly hope that I get farther in my journey this year than I have in the past.

2010

This is the start of the year twenty-ten. I made a few new year's resolutions, and am hoping to keep them this year. I hope to become a better person in the next 12 months. I yearn to be more like Christ, and am planning on taking action to be more like him. I was thinking yesterday about how some of us call ourselves Christians. I don't know the exact translation of that word, but I do know that it means something along the lines of being Christ-like. So my new years resolution: Be a Christian. Be like Christ.