A Burr, a City, and a Jesus

Lately I’ve been having this feeling. A feeling of unrest. A feeling telling me that I could be doing more with my life in the present than going to school and cleaning houses. A missionary speaker at church the other day described this feeling as a “burr under the saddle”- if you’ve ever ridden a horse with a burr under its saddle, you would know, because it’d be agitated and restless. I don’t know exactly what my burr is, but I feel like God is the one who put it there. Even though I should be perfectly content just going to school, and even though we can afford only having Michael work, I feel like God has a higher calling for me here.

I should say Florence Nightingale has provided a bit of inspiration for me. I’ve been reading her biography. She grew up in a well-to-do family in the mid 1800’s, and back then, if you were an upper class woman, you didn’t have to worry about getting a job. All you had to worry about was finding a wealthy husband, and having the ability to throw social gatherings. But Florence must have felt this “burr” too, because she was discontent with that lifestyle. Instead of living a life of sewing, reading, and gossiping, she snuck out to work at a local hospital. Despite the various proposals she had from wealthy, respectable men, (even one she loved back!), she knew she would be discontent living the life of luxury when so many people needed her nursing abilities. When the Crimean war broke out, Florence left all she had and risked her life serving on the battlefield as a nurse.

Florence is an inspiration. I don’t by any means feel a calling to leave Michael to join the military and be a nurse on the battlefield, but I do feel like I need to sacrifice this easygoing lifestyle and make a bigger difference in the community where people need to see Jesus.

About a year ago I worked as a CNA at a nursing home here in Martinsville. I was going through a lot at the time, and working at the nursing home full time, (with another part time job in the afternoons) proved to be too much for me, so I quit after only 2 weeks. I know it was the right decision at the time. But now, a year later, I look back and remember how much some of the people- both staff and residence- needed a kind word or just an ear to listen. The more I think about it, the more I realize how much those people needed Jesus. Some of them were already Christians, and merely needed encouragement or someone there who shared their beliefs. Others just needed to see Jesus in other people- through their works and attitude. I’m not quite sure yet, but I feel like this could be the burr God has put under my saddle. I could either ignore it and miss out on a grand adventure God has mapped out for me, or I could accept it and be a servant of God to people who need Him right here in Martinsville.

I am still looking for direction on this one. I haven’t gotten a ‘confirmation’ that this is exactly what God wants me to do, and I certainly don’t want to rush into anything that might not be God’s desire, and end up distracting me from nursing school. I do know that that whatever this 'burr' is, whether it's giving an encouraging word to my neighbor or or buying mosquito nets for people in Africa, as long as it's done in love, for God's glory, it's the right thing. This blog turned out to be longer than I expected, but I think the best way to finish it are the lyrics by chris tomlin that have been running through my head all week, and pretty much sum up my desire to do more in this community.

You're the God of this City
You're the King of these people
You're the Lord of this nation
You are

You're the Light in this darkness
You're the Hope to the hopeless
You're the Peace to the restless
You are

There is no one like our God
There is no one like our God

Greater things have yet to come
and greater things are still to be done in this city,
Greater things are yet to come
And greater things are still to be done here.

I Am Truly Weak

You are proven right when you judge
And justified when You speak.
Truth is Your strongest desire
but I am truly weak.

I take my armor off and bow
I lay it at Your throne
truly You have judged me right
when You have judged these bones.

Surely I was sinful at birth
But that is no excuse
For me to behave like a child
or be deliberately obtuse

Forgive this doubting heart of mine
my spirit can be so bleak
You teach me wisdom in the inmost place
but I am truly weak.

Inspired by Psalm 51:4-6 " Against you, you only, have I sinned and done what is evil in your sight, so that you are proved right when you speak and justified when you judge. Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me. Surely you desire truth in the inner part, You teach me wisdom in the inmost place."