“For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me.” This verse has been going through my head all week. I felt convicted at Andrew Peterson's concert Behold The Lamb on Sunday night, and my eyes were opened, as if I had suddenly realized my sin. Not anything that we humans would call ‘big’. Just little things. But sin is sin, and it must stop. As Christians we are called to be like Christ. Christ is perfect, ergo we are called to perfection. I don’t believe we can be completely perfect. It's in the human nature to sin. But we can try. God knows when we try our best, and when we pretend to try our best. Sometimes we even fool ourselves into thinking that we are trying our best. At least I do. But, alas, ‘my sin is always before me’. I can’t seem to escape it now that I’ve seen it.
Yet, as I look at my sin, as if looking at a sluggish walrus on the other side of a sheet of glass, I realize that there is hope. Heck, there is more hope when I look at my sin than when I choose to ignore it, because now I realize that there is room for change. It’s like looking at my reflection in the mirror for the first time and realizing how hideous I look. But then finding that, well, I could pin my hair up, and I could wash my face a little, maybe even smile some. That changes things up. Now I just have to continue to look in the mirror every once in a while to make sure my hair is still up and my face isn’t smudged. I don’t know why my face would be smudged, but better check it just in case. In the same way, I need to continue to watch my sin to make sure I don’t do it again. And if I do, maybe I can try to acknowledge that, yes, I’ve tripped again, and yes, I can fix it. Again.
Isn’t that the whole point of Jesus’ grace? The main reason he died on the cross was so that when we trip and fall into the mire of our own sin, we can ask for forgiveness and a renewed spirit, and there it is. Like a brand new day with the sun just peaking over the horizon waiting to greet us. As Anne of Green Gables put it, “the day is always fresh with no mistakes in it.” And so is our life every time we sincerely ask for forgiveness.
As I watch the sun peaking over the horizon, and wave my sin good bye, I find joy in the hope of a new life each day and every hour. A life without sin. And suddenly, “everything sad is coming untrue,” as Jason Gray would put it.
Isn’t God just great? To consider how tiring it is to sacrifice a lamb, or a bird, or, God forbid, a cow each day for the forgiveness of our sins, and to send His Son to do the job for us. To bear all hell so we wouldn't have to. And still, here we are, wading in our sin, thinking, “oh, it’ll be no big deal if I just say/do this (place sin here) one more time…I’ve done it a thousand times, why would one more time be any different?” So easy, yet it cost the life of God’s son. But I wonder if we were still buying and sacrificing lambs to cover our sins every day/week, would we still sin as easily as we do now?
I didn’t mean to turn this into a preachy blog, it’s just been pressing on my mind lately. Oh, how I long to be like Christ. How I yearn to be called a woman “after God’s own heart” like David, or someone who “walks faithfully with God,” like Enoch.
Maybe some day. Here’s to trying.
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